i b crazy

I think that I'm a bit obsessed with solving other peoples problems, Kats, leo, pollys, anyone's but my own. that's gonna bite me in the ass later. hell it's biting me in the ass now. I'm attacking leo's issues in favor of ignoring my own. My wolf and i are in a bad way and i'm trying my damnnedest to ignore it. But i have a bad feeling about it.

On a much better note i spent the night cuddled up next to fluffy so i'm warm and  happy-ish. Little bit is up and cute as heck. I may get my tattoo today, my butterfly.

laser pointer?

My phone is fried and I'm bored mindless.(leowashed it v.v) I did however spend like half an hour chasing a laser pointer. I know it's weird but try it before you knock it, those cats are on to something.

However my aunt walked in and gave me one of the oddest looks I've earned yet. Yes i mean earned weird looks make you not a cookie cutter person. XD my adoration of laser pointers did make my high school geography class hard, the teacher used to point the walk right beside me and i wanted to smack the dang pointer so bad v.v i resisted though.  *huff* off to play flash games

Problems

I know every relationship has problems, but i'm seriously out on a limb with this..    My wolf has blamed me for what he dreams i do. He says he's going to stop that he trusts me. But he's said that before and obviously not. If someone else came to me with this i'd tell them to dump the guy, he'll never trust them. I just dunno i don't wanna pay for what other girls did. Add in that one of his friends hates me, and i'm thinking hard currently. My way and my personality has always been to cut and run when things get difficult in a relationship. This is the longest i've ever been tied down. It should be my body betraying me but it's my mind, I find myself questioning him because well i SHOULD have dumped him. He spent half an hour mad at me for kissing some guy in one of his dreams. I just dunno. He makes me happy when he's being stable. I love him dearly. But is he good for me?

I have a way to sleep

Well i've figured out anther part of my problem is just missing people period i have no friends at home. I one of those touchy feely people to so i am used to random people all over the place. In mah dorm room i'd always have someone there and even if my bf was not showering me with attention someone else was. The was my subs who of course jumped when i told them to, and various friends that let me be my cuddle slut self. Now i ish all lonely! I've basically kidnapped one of my aunts friends to fill this gaping hole. ...... he doesn't seem to mind but god i have to get annoying i'm starting to stalk him because of my need for attention. I know i don't need constant attention but i've gotten spoiled and i've gotten to where texting on any phone but my own pisses me off.... so i've stonewalling my boy because my aunts phone ish weird.  *sigh* I do feel sorta odd because i'm getting to where i'm falling asleep on or cuddle up next to leo, which is going to cause problems with my boy i just know it.

Merry christmas!

merry Christmas everyone, or whatever holiday you prefer XD

Girrrr insomnia!

Anyone else out there had problems sleeping after having to change from practically living together to a long distance relationship? If i had been dumped it'd be easier because I'm good at sleeping through pain, but this is crazy. this last week I've have MAYBE 16 hours of sleep, maybe. and it's driving me nuts. I'm one of those people that sleeps and sleeps alot. I helps when my body fails the normal test like it is now but seriously i miss my sleep! I need scent, touch, tone, and little sound adjustments all night to sleep well. We both make little... clicking? sounds while we are sleeping or going to sleep and I miss his. hell i didn't notice we where doing it until i made my good night sounds and got no reply and wanted to cry. Not to mention we are a 'cuddly' couple we sleep swished together. It's driving me nuts! I sleep on average about 12 hours a day, I'm a cat what can i say? now i'm getting about 1 maybe 2. my bed is great and so warrrrmmmmm :3 and i should sleep great but i can't sleep at all! Little help here brothers and sisters??? this is messing up my lifestyle, how the 'ell am i supposed support all these people and go to classes brain dead?

Screw child protective services, they fail

Alright when i was little i was well in a rather bad way ya know? In the are of child services area you could say? well i never got anything but yelled at but if you actually looked at my case their could be no mistake there where pictures of huge bruises, a gun taken from my stepfather and so on. I hoped to god it was an accident, or something unusual, something that was rare. Turns out it's more than common 2 of 3 cases of child abuse just continue until the child turns 18. That only includes KNOWN abuse. Many even die, yet there are almost no laws to save them, to save us. It's considered to sacrosanct to invade the family unit even to save a child.  The same goes for battered women even if they call the police, the cops only calm the current situation or say that it's all in the woman's mind. I hate this so much that no one cares enough to save a child from a parent or a woman from  a bad man. No one cares enough to help other people! Help those you know please...

JESUS, I have had a horrible week

I'm in geography class and have i had a WEEK. I had a IUD put in, and had to be on bed rest. I totally didn't do it instead i went to the damn airport and lugged my 50 pound bag around. I blew up like a balloon let me tell you. Hurt like hell and all i really had to eat was some combos.  The flight was nice though, the first one i slept and the second i zoned it was nice. I did however briefly want to BEAT my flight attendant jeez just give me the damnned can of coke! I mean really all i had for pain was caffeine and she wouldn't gimme v.v  It drove me nuts! When i got to Florida, and my daddy i ate alot of sugar and threw up ALOT about a gallon of red purple nasty, and i felt like shit i still do. i did enjoy disney after i got out of harry potter i bet it'd be nice on a less crowded day but DAMNNN i couldn't think and 30 bucks for a stick? hell no i'm a tight wad and proud of it, i saw three kids with wands on the way out all in the same family that is 100 in sticks 0.0 i could get a new coat on that much money!!! i loved riding the hulk though talk about fast! i adore fast and i must admit that for me a good rollar coaster feels like sex mmmmmmm yummy!!

Psychoanlizse (no i can't spell)

*sigh* today is a bit difficult I'm letting my cat and the bird see if they will work. To explain that i have a friend I'll call Kat and anther I'll call Bird. Bird cheated on Kat about a month ago, it broke Kat's heart badly. Kat threw birds ring in a lake and refused to even be in the same room as him. Bird went back to a girl that he thought was his one. Bird's dream didn't live up to Kat so now he's back for her. Which wouldn't do anything except, Kat still loves bird , so as their friend I'm trying to fix this conundrum. The problem is that Kat is very soft spoken and bird is very loud, so bird has a tendency to drown out Kat's feelings. The result is Kat has a lot of pent of feelings, especially about their break up. Bird is also self destructive he ruins his friendships and relationships. He's stopping but he's not completely stopped. Kat has had a lot of bad relationships and is jealous and distrustful as a result. together this leads to a rather larger number of potential fuck ups. I'm putting in hours everyday trying to keep these people on an even keel. Today is when all of my hard work is tested. I think it will hold, but when your dealing with feelings everything gets complicated. tell ya later about the end

oh oh oh LOVE this thingy!!!!!



2 Stews: Cheesecake In A Mug

and this

 Five-Minute Chocolate Mug Cake - iVillage


I am alone way to much and these are great by my self treats!! have i mentioned i love baking! yay
 

My first real post fun fun bit of a rant....

well good morning or night could be either 0.0 I think I'll talk about something that men do that drives me bonkers. They bitch. WAY to much. A mans day is work and home. Some games, a few annoying people. It's pretty basic. Women if we want it or not have some ass at work that makes SOME comment about our sex lives, not to mention the office whore that has petty power plays because she's doing the boss (example  on the office whore :3). God forbid the boss thinks your hot -.- your now stuck trying to either avoid him/her, or  god forbid you want to give it a try because now your a magically a gold digger. That is just WORK. Let's go home to the kids and husband. The kids want mommy mommy mommy not daddy. Mom makes dinner, Mom cleans, Mom takes care of the kids, Mom helps with homework, Mom has to nurture, and Mom has to sooth the hurt feelings. Then there is Daddy and the problems he brings Mom. so guy at work does more work than him but gets more money! Well women work for a percentage of the money of a man gets and don't get to bitch. And don't get me started on sex. women are expected to simultaneously be completely innocent but great in bed, and god forbid they don't want to have sex. Then the guy bitchs more.



Women spend their whole day getting bitched at by men, but have a much harder life, this is of course a average sort of thing. If my boyfriend EVER did this to me i'd kick his ass and do whenever he tries. that doesn't mean never bitch but please guys tone it down *sigh* Not to say that women never bitch because god they do i had this girlfreind once DE-AM she wouldn't ever STOP. anyway different subject :3

Well that was easier than i thought

Hey, XD I dunno how successful this blog is going to be, or if it will even get one view.  It's fine either way i guess. I guess i should tell you i will not be very regular with my updates 0.o  sorry. . . . . mainly I'm just going to share what's on my mind, so cooking people, life, psychoanalysis, and things i call my guide to life.