I'm sorry can i cry now?

I told my cousin that i'm dating leo today, he thinks that she's going to tell my aunt and make it so that leo can't see his best freind. he thinks i betrayed him. I wanna cry. In fact i have cried.

It's just she worked so hard to make sure i could trust her. Not doing so at this point would hurt her so bad when we do eventually tell everyone. She didn't do anything to deserve thinking that her cousin (me)doesn't trust her as much as she trusts me. Family is first you know? Boyfreinds always end up with me crying in a corner, my little girl has never done that to me. I wanna hug....

He's going to read this eventually, and i don't even really know how he'll react. I just know it's keeping me up that he's mad at me even though he says he isn't.

He normally texts me all day everyday. Today he just stopped. After telling me it was fine he stopped talking to me. with no warning he always tells me if his phone is about to die, or if he's turning it off. But this time he didn't.

I can't regret making the choice my life has conditioned me to make. (If my mother had put family first like she was supposed to i wouldn't hurt so much so often) How can i regret making sure the little girl who is everything i wish i could be isn't in that kind of pain? I remember being someone no one around me could trust when i was little and trusted my mother. It hurt, every day in and out it hurt. I refuse to do that to her.

fierce and kind
gentle and protective

my dearling, my darling

warmth and safety live in your touch

your my rock in all of lives storms
my shelter when i am weak

It seems to me that fate has given me a jewel
a treasure and as a treasure i shall treat you
in the hopes that you'll stay

you treat me like some breakable thing
something to be handled with care

I'm sturdy and hard to break
skin like leather, and a backbone as strong as diamond

I won't shatter, i could never afford to
but will you it's safe

thank you for being my balance baby