lil update

well i've decided i'm batshit crazy, My life is going pretty well, i'm bedding down on the couch with leo most of the time, which btw i'm now halfway in a relationship with him, clam he is.

The thing is my mother is still texting me, calling me, and anything else she can. Calling me a slut, a bitch and other fun things. She tried to string fluffy up by his balls for no reason. And keeps screaming at people. she keeps calling my aunt a bitch to, *sigh* i jus dunno if this is worth it peoples.... what do you think? change my number, get a new e-mail and basicaly make her leave me alone until i figure out why i'm so creaky??

*sigh*

A broken doll
 in a new playroom
is still a broken doll

I'm happier now
I'm safe now

Yet i still have these
waking nightmares
truths gone wrong

I've seen i know that nothing is sacroscant
no one is safe to trust
If mommy doesn't love you
and daddy isn't there
You find, the world is very cruel

nightmares aren't things in dreams
but reality, softened
I have never dreamed
never heard, never seen
anything more twisted than reality

where mothers let their children be raped
where a father sits on the sidelines

a horror movie?
oh no it's life in all it's glory
and the victim is some faceless child
for what adult doesn't tell the little one
"go and play mommy is busy"
what parent doesn't need some down time?

these oh so natrual reactions
they turn to things that ruin lives

And now i'm single

is not fun, i cried. but i'll live

i b crazy

I think that I'm a bit obsessed with solving other peoples problems, Kats, leo, pollys, anyone's but my own. that's gonna bite me in the ass later. hell it's biting me in the ass now. I'm attacking leo's issues in favor of ignoring my own. My wolf and i are in a bad way and i'm trying my damnnedest to ignore it. But i have a bad feeling about it.

On a much better note i spent the night cuddled up next to fluffy so i'm warm and  happy-ish. Little bit is up and cute as heck. I may get my tattoo today, my butterfly.

laser pointer?

My phone is fried and I'm bored mindless.(leowashed it v.v) I did however spend like half an hour chasing a laser pointer. I know it's weird but try it before you knock it, those cats are on to something.

However my aunt walked in and gave me one of the oddest looks I've earned yet. Yes i mean earned weird looks make you not a cookie cutter person. XD my adoration of laser pointers did make my high school geography class hard, the teacher used to point the walk right beside me and i wanted to smack the dang pointer so bad v.v i resisted though.  *huff* off to play flash games

Problems

I know every relationship has problems, but i'm seriously out on a limb with this..    My wolf has blamed me for what he dreams i do. He says he's going to stop that he trusts me. But he's said that before and obviously not. If someone else came to me with this i'd tell them to dump the guy, he'll never trust them. I just dunno i don't wanna pay for what other girls did. Add in that one of his friends hates me, and i'm thinking hard currently. My way and my personality has always been to cut and run when things get difficult in a relationship. This is the longest i've ever been tied down. It should be my body betraying me but it's my mind, I find myself questioning him because well i SHOULD have dumped him. He spent half an hour mad at me for kissing some guy in one of his dreams. I just dunno. He makes me happy when he's being stable. I love him dearly. But is he good for me?

I have a way to sleep

Well i've figured out anther part of my problem is just missing people period i have no friends at home. I one of those touchy feely people to so i am used to random people all over the place. In mah dorm room i'd always have someone there and even if my bf was not showering me with attention someone else was. The was my subs who of course jumped when i told them to, and various friends that let me be my cuddle slut self. Now i ish all lonely! I've basically kidnapped one of my aunts friends to fill this gaping hole. ...... he doesn't seem to mind but god i have to get annoying i'm starting to stalk him because of my need for attention. I know i don't need constant attention but i've gotten spoiled and i've gotten to where texting on any phone but my own pisses me off.... so i've stonewalling my boy because my aunts phone ish weird.  *sigh* I do feel sorta odd because i'm getting to where i'm falling asleep on or cuddle up next to leo, which is going to cause problems with my boy i just know it.