I told my cousin that i'm dating leo today, he thinks that she's going to tell my aunt and make it so that leo can't see his best freind. he thinks i betrayed him. I wanna cry. In fact i have cried.
It's just she worked so hard to make sure i could trust her. Not doing so at this point would hurt her so bad when we do eventually tell everyone. She didn't do anything to deserve thinking that her cousin (me)doesn't trust her as much as she trusts me. Family is first you know? Boyfreinds always end up with me crying in a corner, my little girl has never done that to me. I wanna hug....
He's going to read this eventually, and i don't even really know how he'll react. I just know it's keeping me up that he's mad at me even though he says he isn't.
He normally texts me all day everyday. Today he just stopped. After telling me it was fine he stopped talking to me. with no warning he always tells me if his phone is about to die, or if he's turning it off. But this time he didn't.
I can't regret making the choice my life has conditioned me to make. (If my mother had put family first like she was supposed to i wouldn't hurt so much so often) How can i regret making sure the little girl who is everything i wish i could be isn't in that kind of pain? I remember being someone no one around me could trust when i was little and trusted my mother. It hurt, every day in and out it hurt. I refuse to do that to her.
3/25/2011
3/22/2011
fierce and kind
gentle and protective
my dearling, my darling
warmth and safety live in your touch
your my rock in all of lives storms
my shelter when i am weak
It seems to me that fate has given me a jewel
a treasure and as a treasure i shall treat you
in the hopes that you'll stay
you treat me like some breakable thing
something to be handled with care
I'm sturdy and hard to break
skin like leather, and a backbone as strong as diamond
I won't shatter, i could never afford to
but will you it's safe
thank you for being my balance baby
gentle and protective
my dearling, my darling
warmth and safety live in your touch
your my rock in all of lives storms
my shelter when i am weak
It seems to me that fate has given me a jewel
a treasure and as a treasure i shall treat you
in the hopes that you'll stay
you treat me like some breakable thing
something to be handled with care
I'm sturdy and hard to break
skin like leather, and a backbone as strong as diamond
I won't shatter, i could never afford to
but will you it's safe
thank you for being my balance baby
3/16/2011
Why me? dedicated to my leo
Calm and collected
A mystery so dear to me
I know why i need you
But why me?
I am not so beautiful as to entrance you
not smart enough to baffle you
Your mature, collected
yet you plan less than me
free with gifts
stingy with trust
again and again i find myself asking
Why me?
Who am i to be so special?
To mean so much to you?
I know I am special to you
I lend you comfort, joy
Your always trying to make me happy
I know my insecurity makes it hard
But what makes me so so special?
Why am i so dear?
I'm a crazy mean spirited witch
not the sweetheart you name me
Will one day you realize this?
Leave me because of things i never hid?
abandon me for the hard parts of my nature
for the things that make me strong?
I'm half panicked at the thought
I depend on your calm
My rock in the unending storm that is my life
shelter from the doubts that plague me
a safe harbor in a stormy sea
But why me?
why save me?
why protect me?
why choose me?
I'm no princess
I am my own knight
I'm not delicate
I'm moody and violent
Why me?
Why not some strawberry blonde beauty?
That won't punch, kick, or bite
Someone that your mother would approve of
Someone you can tell your best friend about
Why me?
A mystery so dear to me
I know why i need you
But why me?
I am not so beautiful as to entrance you
not smart enough to baffle you
Your mature, collected
yet you plan less than me
free with gifts
stingy with trust
again and again i find myself asking
Why me?
Who am i to be so special?
To mean so much to you?
I know I am special to you
I lend you comfort, joy
Your always trying to make me happy
I know my insecurity makes it hard
But what makes me so so special?
Why am i so dear?
I'm a crazy mean spirited witch
not the sweetheart you name me
Will one day you realize this?
Leave me because of things i never hid?
abandon me for the hard parts of my nature
for the things that make me strong?
I'm half panicked at the thought
I depend on your calm
My rock in the unending storm that is my life
shelter from the doubts that plague me
a safe harbor in a stormy sea
But why me?
why save me?
why protect me?
why choose me?
I'm no princess
I am my own knight
I'm not delicate
I'm moody and violent
Why me?
Why not some strawberry blonde beauty?
That won't punch, kick, or bite
Someone that your mother would approve of
Someone you can tell your best friend about
Why me?
3/12/2011
My very first date!!
I'm 18 and tonight was my very first date.... I'm aware I'm rather old for this to be true but well.... it is.
Leo took me to Olive garden and spent like $70, which is CRAZY. He also acted like i am completely incapable of doing anything but lifting the food to my mouth. He got a like 10 dollar app and proceeded to put it on my plate XD and when the salad came he picked through it so that i got nothing i didn't want to eat. (i'm rather picky with salad so that is difficult) He then encouraged me to get one of the more expensive items on the menu...... telling me to 'get whatever you want baby' i felt like a damn princesses.
I'm more used to being Cinderella in pre-ball mode so i felt like i was on a cloud. He let me try to stuff my food down his face to which was sweet :) so I'm happily munching and snatching bits off his plate and he starts with the compliments. Beautiful, sexy, amazing. He slips them all in i swear to god someone may have just wished him up off a a damnned genie.
My ass is stuffed like a woodtick and he starts talking about DESSERT, I'm female i love dessert but i'm so full I could puke.
He says he'll get it to-go and GET MY GRANDMOTHER one to. I love my grandmother to death. If you can charm her i love you it's that simple. spoiling my g-ma is a way to win my heart. thinking of her? EXTRA BROWNIE POINTS. babe i know your reading this so i'll tell ya cause i can't in person and you're sworn to secrecy about mah blog THAT WAS SO CUTE I WANTED TO RAPE YOU.
So he gets me this to die for cake any mah g-ma this 3 cup dessert thing which he also got his mom one of...... which i find cute.... have to adore a guy that takes care of his momma. To quote tah g-ma is a man has a good relationship with his mother he'll be a great husband. ... or in this case boyfriend.... so MORE BROWNIE POINTS.
then he decides we are going to a movie.... i hate crowds so i do not start out with joy at this thought.
He however gets me into an R rated movie i technically shouldn't have gotten to see... and then drops me in the empty theater to avoid crowds and gets the drink by himself.
He dang near growls at every guy that looks at me on the whole date which made me feel loved....
i spent the movie curled under his arm and happy. When we got home he helped me get my uncomfortable nice cloths off and kissed the lines from the bra and said sorry for the ones from the boots..... which is way to sweet.... (even more brownie points) then cuddled me for about an hour then helped me into comfy cloths told me i'm pretty and left :p
DANG I CAUGHT A FINE FISH
Leo took me to Olive garden and spent like $70, which is CRAZY. He also acted like i am completely incapable of doing anything but lifting the food to my mouth. He got a like 10 dollar app and proceeded to put it on my plate XD and when the salad came he picked through it so that i got nothing i didn't want to eat. (i'm rather picky with salad so that is difficult) He then encouraged me to get one of the more expensive items on the menu...... telling me to 'get whatever you want baby' i felt like a damn princesses.
I'm more used to being Cinderella in pre-ball mode so i felt like i was on a cloud. He let me try to stuff my food down his face to which was sweet :) so I'm happily munching and snatching bits off his plate and he starts with the compliments. Beautiful, sexy, amazing. He slips them all in i swear to god someone may have just wished him up off a a damnned genie.
My ass is stuffed like a woodtick and he starts talking about DESSERT, I'm female i love dessert but i'm so full I could puke.
He says he'll get it to-go and GET MY GRANDMOTHER one to. I love my grandmother to death. If you can charm her i love you it's that simple. spoiling my g-ma is a way to win my heart. thinking of her? EXTRA BROWNIE POINTS. babe i know your reading this so i'll tell ya cause i can't in person and you're sworn to secrecy about mah blog THAT WAS SO CUTE I WANTED TO RAPE YOU.
So he gets me this to die for cake any mah g-ma this 3 cup dessert thing which he also got his mom one of...... which i find cute.... have to adore a guy that takes care of his momma. To quote tah g-ma is a man has a good relationship with his mother he'll be a great husband. ... or in this case boyfriend.... so MORE BROWNIE POINTS.
then he decides we are going to a movie.... i hate crowds so i do not start out with joy at this thought.
He however gets me into an R rated movie i technically shouldn't have gotten to see... and then drops me in the empty theater to avoid crowds and gets the drink by himself.
He dang near growls at every guy that looks at me on the whole date which made me feel loved....
i spent the movie curled under his arm and happy. When we got home he helped me get my uncomfortable nice cloths off and kissed the lines from the bra and said sorry for the ones from the boots..... which is way to sweet.... (even more brownie points) then cuddled me for about an hour then helped me into comfy cloths told me i'm pretty and left :p
DANG I CAUGHT A FINE FISH
2/25/2011
2/19/2011
I am really to old for this shit, but damn it's fun
Leo snuck into the house tonight (i live with my grandmother, yes i relize this is rather odd.) admittedly through the front door. It was awesome the dog barked at him and still got in no hassle. To have amzing sex.
I swear someone spiked his damn drink 0.0 He was all 100 orgasms? screw that I AIM HIGHER 0.0 I lost count at like 50some O's and that's not separating out the 'chain- orgasms' when i have like 3 or 4 with no space in the middle. Is all jesus christ in heaven. 0.0
It's great overall, *purr* though i would rather be able to let him stay the night so i can sleep
I swear someone spiked his damn drink 0.0 He was all 100 orgasms? screw that I AIM HIGHER 0.0 I lost count at like 50some O's and that's not separating out the 'chain- orgasms' when i have like 3 or 4 with no space in the middle. Is all jesus christ in heaven. 0.0
It's great overall, *purr* though i would rather be able to let him stay the night so i can sleep
2/16/2011
A little slice of my life
I am now dating Leo!!!! yay! his dick ish all curved *purr* it makes missionary mah freind cause he hits right across my g-spot with every stroke. *sigh with joy* not to meantion he has some unreal staying power. I very often can't walk after he's done *purr* to many endophins ya know it's like being on a really strong pain killer, but better. And with no bad side effects except a slight head rush and problem with muscle control.
However my aunt and her husband (who is Leo's best freind) are against me dating him as is his(leo's) mom. So they don't know which seems like a disaster waiting to happen to me.
I am also afraid of his mother.
He's also quite determined to spoil me till my heart rots out. He wants to take me to olive garden and spend a weekend in a hotel. Both are extravagant, and He says you MAY have to choose. . . . . . Like if he did both i woldn't drop dead from pure spoiled rottenness. I'm going to turn into a walking cavity the way he treats me.
I get sick "aw baby i sowwie i come feed and cuddle the you?" not to meantion he's spending all of tommorrow watching me moan about my ovaries (i have a cyst that needs to pop(google it)) And keeps trying to get me things. If i meation something i want is all MAGICAL APPEAR. I was like i wants something that smells like him. magical stuffed leopard. anyway yes i haz awesome boyfreind my life is all centered again.
I wonder if this ending will be less painful?
However my aunt and her husband (who is Leo's best freind) are against me dating him as is his(leo's) mom. So they don't know which seems like a disaster waiting to happen to me.
I am also afraid of his mother.
He's also quite determined to spoil me till my heart rots out. He wants to take me to olive garden and spend a weekend in a hotel. Both are extravagant, and He says you MAY have to choose. . . . . . Like if he did both i woldn't drop dead from pure spoiled rottenness. I'm going to turn into a walking cavity the way he treats me.
I get sick "aw baby i sowwie i come feed and cuddle the you?" not to meantion he's spending all of tommorrow watching me moan about my ovaries (i have a cyst that needs to pop(google it)) And keeps trying to get me things. If i meation something i want is all MAGICAL APPEAR. I was like i wants something that smells like him. magical stuffed leopard. anyway yes i haz awesome boyfreind my life is all centered again.
I wonder if this ending will be less painful?
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